Loan Ranger

Last week was certainly one of rare pleasures: a British man in the final at Wimbledon; the senior unsecured FIG bond market opening up; a flurry of M&A cheering the loan and ECM markets.

In defiance of the banker who last week said that the market was just too depressing for the frivolities of this column, Loan Ranger threw himself even more deeply into the task of cheering up the City.

Loan Ranger is hurting. First, Deutsche Bank leaves us in a bad way with the news that our beloved corporate loan market is “structurally unprofitable”. Then, a loans banker puts us in intensive care with a dagger through our already loan-ly heart.

Well, who would have thought that after the last fortnight we would be starting the week with Greece still in the euros — that's the football and the currency.

Loan Ranger isn’t going to write yet another column about how quiet the market is, for fear of pushing too many of its favourite syndicators to look for another asset class to sell (if we’re staying loyal to loans, so should you).

Question - How many loans bankers does it take to quickly divide a restaurant bill using only mental arithmetic? Apparently, more than six (and one business journo), as Loan Ranger discovered last week in Moscow.

Loan Ranger has seen his fair share of security measures. We’ve persevered through the worst Heathrow has to offer, in search of a story — and even managed to get through Bank of America’s fearsome scanners. But nothing could prepare us (or rather, we were woefully unprepared) for the EBRD's annual conference in London on Friday and Saturday.

Signing ceremonies can be stressful things, particularly if you’re the lead banker. Your colleagues are there, your client is there and, most daunting of all, your peers and rivals from the other mandated lead arrangers are there. It’s imperative to get things done smoothly and quickly so the corks can pop and everyone can congratulate each other over some bubbles.

The loan market is quiet — so what do you do? For one levfin banker, a trip to Milan to meet his Italian clients was in order. If you can’t gorge on fees, at least you can gorge on pizza and ice cream.

While everyone would like a co-ordinator spot to nudge their bank up the league tables, spare a moment to consider the stress that comes with the lead role. A loan signed in the not-too-distant past looked to be a done deal. The co-ordinators were no doubt patting themselves on the backs and looking forward to a weekend of relaxation and self congratulation.

A pre-emptive apology from Loan Ranger this week, the result of an emerging markets banker on a whistle stop tour of London drawing us out of the City last Friday. We were prepared for the throngs of tourists that permanently populate London west of Fleet Street (Loan Ranger Towers is on the steps of St Paul’s, after all) but we weren’t ready for the splendour of the Dorchester Hotel, where we met for coffee to discuss all things Russia.

After French catering firm Elior completed its amend and extend last, one investor said the Premiership and Championship of the maturity wall had been completed, and that it was time to move on to Leagues One and Two.