Loan Ranger

A grand old time was had by all at the loans seminar in Vienna this week— outside the conference room, that is. Within it, a less than cheerful group of bankers were busy spelling out just how ghastly 2009 would be in central and eastern Europe.

Yup, it’s that time of year again. Pubs are serving mulled wine, the ever more dreadful Christmas lights have been lit on Oxford Street, and EuroWeek’s loan awards poll is now open. "You can cast your votes in our online survey, email them to yours truly, or, for the internet-phobes, you can even fax them to us," enthused Tonto. "We’re as flexible as all those flexy structures used in loans nowadays — commit in any currency you like, at the price you like, for the amount you like. Just please do commit."

Nothing lifts the spirit more than going to watch WWF wrestling with 20, 000 screaming teenagers. And that’s exactly what Loan Ranger’s been up to this week, courtesy of HSBC.

Loan Ranger has been so distracted by the frenzy surrounding the US elections that he hasn’t kept up with everything that’s been happening in the loan market. Thankfully, the other rancheros have been on hand to update him on all the latest developments.

Loan Ranger is well aware that when things are bad in the markets people like speaking in metaphors. How many times has he read something about the stormy conditions in the equity markets? Or the financial maelstrom we’re all heading into? But he hadn’t quite realised that things were literally so bad.

It’s become a tough old world out there for loan reporters. Suddenly, everyone wants to know about banks and syndications, the latest pricing flex and every little flicker of the LevX — and newspapers are sending out armies of journalists out on to Loan Ranger’s turf.

Like many loans bankers, Loan Ranger has spent a lot of the week digesting. Digesting how the world was (we hope) saved from financial Armageddon, and digesting the bleak outlook for next year over lunches and drinks at a series of conferences in London.

In these times of doom and gloom, spare a thought for the less fortunate: those whose banks have tapped the UK government’s bailout scheme. On the face of it, it seems like they’ve had a lucky escape. But all week long they have suffered the jibes of other bankers.

Loan Ranger is not one to dwell too long on the market’s misfortunes, so despite all the bad news coming out at the moment he’s decided to focus on frivolities. It’s the only way to stay sane these days.

"If you think your job’s just got a lot harder recently, try putting yourself in my shoes," moaned Loan Ranger. "Week in, week out, I’ve got to churn out witticisms and light-hearted banter about the loan market — but you really ain’t giving me much funny material lately, amigos."

What a week. Banks have been falling left, right and centre, Russia has plummeted and the US government, in an attempt to shore up the world’s capital markets, decided to take over Manchester United but there were still doubts whether it had sufficient funds. AIG, yes, but Man U might be trickier.

"Hmm... further titillation on the horizon, I see," said Tonto as he opened up his e-mail today.