My boss knows I interviewed elsewhere

Dear Interviewing Around,

Take a deep breath and, as Queen Elsa says in Frozen, “let it go”. Really, it’s no big deal.

I understand why you’re unsettled. Nobody likes discovering their confidential job search has become office gossip. But here’s the reality: in our industry, interviewing elsewhere is about as scandalous as ordering the salmon at a client dinner. Everyone does it, everyone knows everyone else does it, and your boss’s reaction confirms he understands this perfectly well. I’m sure he has done the same.

Let’s examine what actually happened. Your boss didn’t call you into his office for a stern conversation about loyalty. He didn’t make a veiled threat about your future at the firm. He expressed sympathy (maybe with a mildly sardonic touch) that you didn’t land the role. This is the response of someone who understands how investment banking works and harbours no illusions about employee retention in our sector.

If anything, his casual acknowledgement suggests he views you as a valuable commodity that other firms are actively pursuing — hardly a career-limiting revelation. After all, the buy-side firm wouldn’t have wasted time interviewing you if it had thought you weren’t worth considering. At least your boss knows he needs to pay you to retain your services as you potentially will have further options.

The breach of confidence by the buy-side firm, while unprofessional, is also unremarkable in our networked industry. Senior leaders have lunch. They talk. Sometimes they share more than they should. It’s irritating, but it’s a bit like discovering there’s gambling in Casablanca. It’s the inevitable result of operating in an ecosystem where everyone goes to similar schools and vacations in similar places. You’re right that complaining would be pointless, and it would mark you as someone who doesn’t understand the unwritten rules of engagement.

Now, about that supposed disloyalty. Having exploratory conversations with other firms isn’t betrayal; as I said, everyone does it, and you’re just trying to explore options and manage your career. You’re a managing director with aspirations to run the team “in a few years.” Those are your words, which suggest you’re already aware that patience will be required. Meanwhile, testing your market value is precisely what any rational professional should do. Your boss almost certainly did the same when he was in your position, and he likely still takes the occasional call from headhunters.

Should you say anything to your manager? Nah. The conversation is closed. He acknowledged the situation without any drama, and now you both move forward. Reopening the discussion would only amplify the awkwardness and signal that you’re more bothered by this than he is. That is never a good look.

Instead, focus on what matters: performing excellently in your current role while keeping your options open. The buy-side firm went another direction but you’ve now been reminded that your reputation extends beyond your current employer, which is valuable information. Continue building relationships, delivering results, and yes, taking interviews when opportunities arise.

The only action item here is adjusting your expectations about confidentiality in future searches (that’s all the more reason to be careful about dissing your current employer when you’re interviewing. You should compliment your employer even when you’re looking at new opportunities). But dwelling on this particular breach or attempting to address it with your boss will accomplish nothing except making you appear naive and insecure.

Let it go and move on. I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it

Keep looking,

Craig