New legislation means access to employees' emails has never been easier. MTNWeek logged onto one dealer's outbox to see what he'd been up to in the last two months of 2000. Remember: MTNWeek is watching you... 20/11/00 10:26:04 From: bob.sprawling@swankbank.com To: mel.longlegs@sushibank.com Subject: Re: Muchas Aguas SA meeting Great to bump into you at the airport last week - shame you didn't have time to stop for a few sangrias - maybe on the roadshow eh? And I hear you put in a great pitch for the Muchas Aguas dealership. I'm sure they'll love your proposals - I hear that Spanish utilities are really interested in FX-linked yen enquiry from Japanese retail. They loved our presentation - we were in there for four hours and the power point slides were a great success. Ps. I hear the headhunters are out looking for someone to run your desk - found anyone yet? 20/11/00 10:34:16 From: bob.sprawling@swankbank.com To: doug.lovebody@swankbank.com Subject: lunch Just got an email from Mel at Sushi Bank - thinks she's going to get on Muchas Aguas' dealer panel! I can't imagine why they'd want her on the panel (apart from the obvious) - Sushi does nothing but obscure yen power reverse convertibles for less than one billion yen! Still, she might get some credit for her lovely legs. You alright to cover the desk this pm? There are a few trades that need closing, but they're only vanillas so you should manage it. I've got some dull lunch with an issuer. Sounded nervous about the Bermudan callable option on last week's capped euro floater - I mean honestly! Probably thinks it's going to get called into the Bermuda triangle. What a bore! 23/11/00 14:34:05 From: bob.sprawling@swankbank.com To: mel.longlegs@sushibank.com Subject: Dim Awards Going to the awards party tonight? Can't say I've been practising my speech - of course you can't predict these things, but I'm pretty chummy with that reporter on Debt Instrument Monthly. Last week he told me in the strictest confidence (over Lunch at Le Gavroche) that he honestly thought we should have a speech prepared... Still I can be pretty spontaneous if need be. And guess what - pulled a few strings and looks like we'll be dining on the same table tonight - looking forward to it. 23/11/00 14:36:41 From: mel.longlegs@sushibank.com To: partyorganiser@dim.co.uk Subject: Re: Dim Awards seating Just one little matter about the seating arrangements for tonight - I'm afraid there must have been a mistake of some kind because there are eight of us attending from Sushi Bank. We all specifically asked to sit together, so there won't be room on the table for anyone else, especially not those prats at Swank Bank! Thanks for your co-operation and discretion in this awkward matter. 24/11/00 8:54:09 From: bob.sprawling@swankbank.com To: doug.lovebody@swankbank.com Subject: meeting 9am Gutted is not the word. I can't believe we did not get a single one - that snivelling little journalist practically promised me we'd be getting some silverware - what a waste of a good lunch. Plus this is not going to look at all good with McClout. And we're slipping down the league tables like a rat down a greasy drainpipe. We've really got to make up for it with some good trades, so in the run up to Xmas we'll have to have all systems go. Let's pump out those one-year floaters - I don't care if it costs us. We need to get some good team spirit going. Might even have to speak to those idiots in sales. Conference room 13 is booked for 9am to discuss strategy. 24/11/00 8:56:57 From: bob.sprawling@swankbank.com To: editor@dim.co.uk Subject: Disgrace!!!!!! Am Besten Bank for MTN Desk Most Popular with Issuers? You must be joking! Not with dog-breath dealer Hans Taschengeld breathing all over them! This just proves that your league tables are absolute rubbish - your credibility has gone down the pan this time. Everyone knows Am Besten spends millions on one-year floaters to get up the league tables. Is it really fair to give the award to a bank with such underhand practices? I think not. You've proved you have no idea how the market operates and that you did no research whatsoever into who deserved the awards. Swank Bank is at least 50% more active than Am Besten and we have proved our success by consistently scooping dealerships. I wish to terminate my subscription to Debt Instrument Monthly forthwith. 5/12/00 15:39:36 From: bob.sprawling@swankbank.com To: juanita.chiquitita@muchasaguas.es Subject: memo Juanita, Hope all is going well at Muchas Aguas. Just a little memo because I think someone must have accidentally forgotten to send us info re the MTN dealership. Good to hear that you let little old Sushi Bank on board. Mel is absolutely thrilled - they should add a bit of distribution variety with their obscure Japanese retail investors. Speak soon - got some great contact names for your roadshow. 6/12/00 8:42:23 From: bob.sprawling@swankbank.com To: douggie_lovebody@hotmail.com Subject: Congratulations... ... on your new job. You will be sorely missed! Of course, I am very surprised you've chosen to go and head the desk at Sushi - they really are tiny - only manage to do about one trade a month or something! You know, between you and me, if you'd stayed on here you'd have had prospects. You may have just been my number two, but it's really better to be second in command at a flourishing bank like Swank Bank than running a small desk no one ever phones. Still, I wish you all the best. Ps. Is it true about your transfer fee? I presume Mel must have been joking - a sum like that would bankrupt them! PPs. You couldn't send me those photos from KaltKredit's summer hot spa party - don't want those pics of me and Mel getting into the wrong hands. 8/12/00 17:28:37 From: bob.sprawling@swankbank.com To: richard.mcclout@swankbank.com Subject: Re: Restructuring meeting Absolutely great proposal for restructuring the desk. I must say though that your short-list of candidates surprises me. Bradley Smorgborg from HypoActive Bank is an excellent choice, but can I suggest we really need to consider culture fit and I'm not sure he has the personal interfacing skills that are essential as an MTN dealer. Dmitri Kalashnikov - again, I can see why you've shortlisted him - a very competent dealer, but surely having headed the Russki Minski desk for five years, he's hardly going to want to be my second in command. As for Hans Taschengeld from Am Besten Bank, you are joking aren't you? That man could kill a third world child with his bad breath. Sat next to him for lunch at last year's MTN conference - he put me right off my salmon mousse. Really, Richard, we'd be much better off hiring a new face. Ball's in your court... 15/12/00 8:31:22 From: bob.sprawling@swankbank.com To: hans.taschengeld@swankbank.com Subject: Welcome to Swank Bank! Have always been a huge fan of yours, Hans and I knew you were the best man for the job (McClout took a bit of convincing though). Just a word of advice: I don't know what you were used to at Am Besten Bank, but here we do things differently. I do sympathise, after all it's quite unfair to expect you to walk in here straight away as Galactic Head of Euro-MTNs, Schuldscheine, Yen Loans and The Rest. As you know, I'm still very much in charge, even though my new role as Private Placements Manager is very important and will take up a lot of my time. Just remember: I'm experienced and I'm here to help. I haven't been here fifteen years for nothing. Btw, there's a bowl of mints and chewing gums on top of the fax for general consumption - do please help yourself. 15/12/00 10:58:18 From: bob.sprawling@swankbank.com To: mel.longlegs@sushibank.com Subject: Re: Photos No idea how they got onto DIM's website. Terribly embarrassing - but if it's any consolation, you look great in the viking's hat. Ps. Totally untrue that Hans has taken over the desk - things would fall apart if it wasn't for me - the man knows less about MTNs than my granny. 15/12/00 12:32:06 From: bob.sprawling@swankbank.com To: juanita.chiquitita@muchasaguas.es Subject: Re: MTN dealership selection Frankly I am very disappointed you haven't included Swank Bank on your dealer panel, especially after we offered to pay for free annual programme updates. It upsets me that you could doubt our reliability and I firmly believe you have made a grave mistake because: ? We're in touch with dozens of investors and find issuers a match almost before they ask for one ? Our fees are very competitive - few other European houses can undercut our undercuts ? And for God's sake, we have one of the swankiest foyers in the business. Yours, Robert Sprawling, private placements manager, executive directorial assistant officer. **Bob Sprawling and his colleagues are fictional characters. Any resemblance between these characters and actual market participants and events is entirely coincidental.**
December 15, 2000